The long overdue Love Smack writeup!

27 02 2010

Eccles Cake!!In the great tradition of tardy Rollerbillies writeups, here’s the skinny on Love Smack. To kick it off, we are properly jealous of the Bombers‘ venue – a little bit chilly in February, but super spacious. There was even room for a romantic valentines balloon arch and a camper van. And all that space meant we had a wide selection of merch vendors to tempt us – including the all important cupcake stand. And not only cupcakes – bacon butties, eccles cakes, and a nice cup of tea. Oh yes, eccles cakes. Are we doing the roller derby workout challenge diet and eating cheese for breakfast? Uh, no. We’re growing enormous asses made of lard and raisins.

Bout one: Team White vs Team Black:

Lil Mischief jammingTwo B teams made up of women from teams all over the country. You could feel the excitement in the air as many of the skaters hit the track (sometimes literally) for the first time. All that training, all the hard work, and so much commitment, finally finding its expression in a momentous sweaty blur.

Having never skated together before, both sides spent the first half finding their feet, and often finding their way to the penalty box, but by half time both teams were beginning to gel. The second half began with Team Black in possession of a 24 point lead, and Team White took to the track determined to close the gap. The pace increased as the period progressed, and a combination of solid three player defensive walls and a couple of textbook jams by Team White took them to within 4 points of equalising. Team Black were forced to play hard to retain their lead, and it all got a bit exciting and shouty, but ultimately the women in Black kept it together and finished on 155 points to team White’s 145.

Bout two: Lincolnshire Bombers vs Central City: The Belles of Centrinnians made an impressive start, consistently taking lead and picking up 40 points to the Bombers’ 7 in the first eight jams. CCR’s jamming triangle of death, Hustle’her, Block Star, and Billie Whizz sliced past the Bombers’ front wall, whilst their blockers dominated in the pack and Tragic visited her wrath on the opposing jammers. The Bombers began to get into their stride as the first half progressed, picking up lead jammer with more frequency, but in the face of such assertive play they were stuck playing CCR’s game and finished the period with 30 points to the Centrinnians’ 65.

CCR v LBRG by In Depth Photos

But it’s always a different game in the second half and the Bombers came back on determined to set their own agenda. Ce Cee Slam’er, Inya Head and Minx a’matosis showed steely determination to grab lead, and with their blockers upping the energy on their hits they started raking some points back. But the Centrinnians’ jammers were tough to contain and shot out of the pack right behind the Bombers’, scoring hard on their heels and nomming into their points differential. It was a hard and pacey second period with much more competitive game play, but the Centrinnians  had a selection of tricks up their armsocks, and maintained their cool and their advantage, ending the game with 130 to the hosts’ 79.


“Yes, but how did the girls feel about it?!”, I hear you exclaim. Well, you’re in luck because The Romsey Town Rollerbillies own Lil Mischief, Dusti Knuckles, and Phoenix in Flames skated their stripey little socks off in the first bout, and are here to bring you the action in their own words. Over to you girls…

Lil Mischief #16

“I was excited to be playing with people I’d never met before. I was also nervous about it. I worried I’d be the worst on the team and let everyone down and I worried it would be hard to get us working as a team as we wouldn’t know each other’s skate styles and strategies. The warm up was really fun and helped us get to know each other, and get a chance to try stuff out on the track. It was a pretty reasonable surface but for some reason plough stops were really tricky. Everyone was lovely – really friendly and a great laugh. It made me feel so much better.

I was still nervous as hell when the bout started. We had our skate out and I nearly forgot to wave when my name got called. At least I didn’t fall over! As I watched the first jam the excitement overtook the nerves and I couldn’t wait to get out on the track. My legs were shaking on my first lineup but I as fine once I started skating. I don’t remember much about the game – it all went so fast! At first it was hard to keep our defense together and get everyone working as a team. We were having difficulty walling up and defending and Team Black seemed to get it together really fast and soon took the lead. But as we played together we started working as a team more. By the second half we were playing much better and were narrowing the gap in the scores. We were jamming smarter and blocking better. I loved every minute! Couldn’t believe it when the final whistle blew – wish we could have had a few more minutes!”

Phoenix in Flames #177
“I was SO nervous but was lucky enough to have Dusti by my side as a team-mate and that was really reassuring. I had met a few of the girls on both teams a few weeks before, at Rainy City’s bootcamp and knowing what I was coming up against helped relieve a LOT of the anxieties I had about my own skating ability. Team Black managed to get to know a bit about each other via a Facebook group – this really helped on the day & I think contributed a lot to the team working well together.

Dusti and I lined up together on the first jam; by that point the anxieties had melted away and I was really raring to go!! I could see my family and RTRB team-mates on the front row cheering us on and desperately wanted to do them proud! The bout went by in a blur and I have NO idea how well I played, although found out that I should definitely not try jamming. Ever. What a disaster! But Dusti and I must have done something right as we played nearly every other jam and it felt amazing to work well with skaters I hardly knew. We tried really hard as a team to get the opportunity to push ourselves and try different positions and that worked really well. The two teams were put together well and we were pretty evenly matched – we had to work really hard to get our win!

The re-match (hopefully it’ll happen!) will be epic – Team White will out to prove they’re the queens of the track and we’ll be fighting so hard to keep our title! I have to say a HUGE thank you to Alma Geddon who was a brilliant captain and an even bigger thank you to all of LBRG who put this together for us – what an amazing opportunity it was for new skaters & a huge contribution to the UK derby scene!”

If you’re not already in the derby community, dear readers, this could be you! So far, the Rollerbillies have played one bout against Glasglow B, and our players have skated in our mixed side, Team East Angrier, against Stuttgart Valley Rollergirls and London Rollergirls. We’ve also guest skated for Central City and Bedfordshire Rollergirls, so we’ve got a mix of experience in the team. We’re always looking for new skaters and we’re committed to training them up right and giving them the opportunity to compete. There’s a bout out there for everyone, so what are you waiting for – come and check derby out for yourselves. Hit the I want in! page above to find out how.

Thanks again to the Bombers for a great event, and for inviting our lovely Quad Ophelia to be your lineup manager. We’re really sorry we got the writeup out so late. Photo credits: Jason Ruffel (1), In Depth Photos (2, 3, 4, 7, 8 ) Hannah ‘H’annihilation‘ Edmonds (5), Daz Wilson (6), and Adam Rhoades (9, 10).

Raarrr, Roller derby!

Smack my Blitz up

21 04 2009

The derby season is in full swing, and the Blitzdames have been busy. So, in chronological order and quick succession, here’s Lexi Leven’s write up for Smack Attack, followed by Mollie‘s thoughts on Dollhouse Devastation:

smackattackThe second bout in the weekend’s double header saw the Middlesborough Milk Rollers making their debut against the Birmingham Blitz Dames, aided and abetted by some willing guest skaters from Auld Reekie Roller Girls and the Bedford Bandits.

After a speedy drive up to Birmingham we took our seats in the bleachers to watch the bout. The Blitz Dames looked confident on their home turf, with plenty of support from the crowd during the introductory skate round. However, as the first period began, it was clear the Milk Rollers were prepared for a tough fight!  Skaters were flying off the track and there were a fair few penalties from both sides to start with, as the teams fought for dominance. The bout started off evenly matched, but as the first period went on the Blitz Dames’ greater experience began to show as they worked together to prevent the MMR jammers getting through the pack. A blistering jam from Union Jack-U-Up saw the Blitz Dames finish the first period well in the lead, with a score of 86-45.

Period 2 saw a revitalised MMR come out with a much more effective pack strategy, and their hard-hitting blockers made it tough for the opposition to score in the first few jams. However, an injury to key blocker Smokin Ace took her out for the day, and once play resumed the Blitz Dames took advantage to rack up an 80 point lead on the visitors. Hard knocks abounded, with BBDD jammer Gun Bunny also needing medical attention after ending up at the bottom of a very dramatic pile up! The medical team were quick to react though and both skaters were able to join in with the skate round at the end of the bout, which was big relief for everyone watching. The Milk Rollers continued to fight hard but their jammers were tiring and in the end they were no match for the Blitz Dames. The final score was 198-78 – an impressive debut for the Milk Rollers and another win for the Birmingham team.

Squeal totally busted!

21 01 2009

When the lovely CCR girls invited us to guest at their first closed bout, Breaking the Squeal, we were a bit nervous – we wanted to do it, but we didn’t want to suck.. it was a scary poke in the comfort zone. Then we thought, hey, it’ll be like a big scrimmage with real teams, all kinds of stopwatches, and proper reffing with real penalties, it’s okay, we can do that. Comfort zone my ass, nobody will be watching. So we said yes. Then we realised CCR aren’t the kind of league to do things by halves. It wasn’t going to be just ’bout conditions’ in the sporting sense, it was going to be bout conditions in the cupcakes, programme, music, commentating – and audience – sense. Okay, a lovely non-judgmental families and friends kind of audience, but still – a least 500 of them. In those cool bleachers, all stacked up… eating cupcakes, taking photos, and watching. It was going to be an all-out production; we were impressed. And terrified. The Rollerbillies waved us off and offered us sound advice (“Jam like a motherf*ucker” – thanks Captain Carnage), and we were on our way.


It turned out to be the best possible way to bout for the first time – CCR were awesome hosts, and we got to benefit from the serious hard work they put into the event without worrying about anything other than skating, so we were pretty much spoiled rotten. And we didn’t even suck horribly, which made it even better. The audience were great, and they were loving it – CCR are bringing derby to the masses, and gaining a whole lot of fans. We bet you 50p their first open-doors bout will sell out before you can say cupcake.

So it was Team Pink vs Team Blue, with Hermaphroditie guesting for Pink and Mollie Cosh (referring to herself in the third person just this once) on Team Blue.



Blue started strong, getting lead in almost every jam of the first period.  They walled the front of the pack, and held the inside line for their jammers. Pink were forced to react but fought hard to make their impact on the play. Although it’s all a bit of a blur, by the third period the pack was getting feral, and Pink were really making the hits count – resulting in some crowd-pleasing ouchie wreckage. I got a crisis of loyalty when Blues came off the track saying ‘Hermaphroditie hits hard‘ – but she definitely wasn’t the only one. Team Blue racked up some penalties (guilty) and had to line up short and under pressure a few times, but weren’t deterred. Despite fighting up to dominate the front, and the impressive escalation of violence, Pink narrowed the points gap but couldn’t close it. We finished on 126-86. Go Team Blue!



And go team CCR! Everyone involved kicked ass, running the show like a beautiful, well-oiled machine. The only interruption was the change of afterparty venue due to a murder near the pub. Seriously. Some things you just can’t plan for. We had an ace time at the relocated party, ate chips, and sold lots of our excellent new handmade badges – so now we have funds to try and outbid Twisted Mister for old pads on ebay. Superby.

Huge thanks to CCR for popping our bout cherries in such a well organised fashion – it wasn’t exactly painless, but it was a pleasure to skate with you. Thanks to Angela Momentum for getting us to Birmingham in one piece – we were stressing about being late so we made her drive crazy fast even though she was trying to eat pastries. And finally thanks to our favourite derby photographer, David James Coxsell, for the use of all these ace pictures. Apart from the one of the badges; that’s just shameless merch promotion on our part. Want some?



The bout we missed…

4 11 2008

We were gutted that Capital Punishment, the LRG v BBDD bout, was scheduled the same day as our fundraiser, but lucky for us we’ve got eyes and ears everywhere via our northernwards correspondent, the lovely Emma Jackson. Not only did we get score updates via text – it was almost as though we liked sport – we got this report:
emma1As your Romsey Town Rollerbillies representative I thoroughly enjoyed watching the London Brawlers smash BBDD. There were a couple of brave souls on the BBDD team who upheld the spirit of the sport and appreciated the talent shown to them by LRG. The Brawlers as a team and their supporters showed us all how it’s done.

The consummate professionalism of the LRG shone through in all parts of their game. Fox Sake, Hula Gunn and Belle DeBrawl were awesome in defense. Kitty Decapitate and Sky Rockit shot through the LRG teams Jam records lifting the standard to aim even higher.

And after all was said and done the after party was fun and LRG proved to be the friendliest on and off the track… My it was a fabulous saturday.

Final score: LRG 274 – BBDD 23.

LRG Summer Shovin’ Team Pink 89 – 79 Team Black

28 07 2008

The Romsey Town Rollerbillies trucked down to the capital last weekend to see The London Rollergirls hosting their final Team Pink Vs Team Black bout, the last of the best-of-three between the two kick-ass teams. Both on one a-piece, Saturday’s event was guaranteed to be one hell of a high velocity, bearing-busting bout, to end the debate as to who would reign supreme before the LRG broke for the summer.

The game saw some fantastic maneuvers from both teams, and Rollergirls were tearing up the track in their bid to win the feverish final battle. Suicide Corner pulled a number of players stacking into the crowd, but apart from the usual fat-lipping, table-tripping spin-outs, the only major injury came from a Bette Noir fall for a sprained ankle in the second period. Get well soon Sister! Both teams racked up some impressive scoring passes with double Grandslams (10 points) coming from both debutant Ninjette for Team Pink in first period, and from Poison Arrow for Team Black, in the final jam of the bout.

The guys and gals from RTRB and Last Gang in Town cranked up the decibels at Summer Shovin’, supporting both Pink & Black sides! All of us left hoarse from cheering, yet chomping at the bit to hit the flat-track hard once back home. Oh, and check out the new threads designed and modeled here by Sailor Cherry, lovin’ the new tee motif, girl!

Well done to all those involved in a marvelous event, to the victorious Team Pink and to Sky Rockit for winning the Crowd’s Rollergirl of the Match for a second consecutive bout! The Romsey Town Rollerbillies loved every minute of it and will being seeing you all in the fall!

Thanks London Rollergirls, you rock!

Ruby Hurl, RTRB


Kamikaze Kitten of Team Black breaking the pack to take lead jammer, and on the left Notorious E.V.E of Victorian Roller Derby League from Melbourne, Australia as Team Pinks scoregirl. Roller Derby is a growing international women’s sport, with a co-operative grassroots culture of cross-continental collaboration & respect.

Kamikaze Kitten of Team Black breaking the pack to take lead jammer, Notorious E.V.E (far left) of Victorian Roller Derby League, Melbourne, Australia, as Team Pink scoregirl. Roller Derby is a rapidly growing international sport, with a co-operative grassroots culture of cross-continental collaboration & respect.