No, not in the cosmic sense, you filthy hippie. The Rollerbillies have been in existence for one whole year! Approximately. Typically, our origins are shrouded in mystery. It seems that once upon a time a punk and a figure skater eloped in the Ely Paradise Centre’s rental skate cupboard, and nine months later the sextuplets that were to become the Rollerbillies’ directors were born, kicking, screaming, and semi-conjoined, onto a malodorous crash mat. Sadly, we were abandoned amidst the cones, skates, and gym benches as soon as someone unlocked the cupboard door, allowing our parents to do a runner. But the kind folks at the Paradise Centre kept us, like pets, in the cupboard until we began demanding a week night skating slot of our very own, at which point they launched us down the river on a makeshift raft without a backwards glance. Pursued by swimming rats, we paddled frantically until we reached Cambridge, then ran until we reached Romsey Town, then staggered until we reached the pub, and finally sat down and wondered what to do next. Having been raised in a rental skate cupboard and denied the opportunity to go to school, our skillset was limited to skating and violent resentment. This left us only one option: form a roller derby league.
So to celebrate roughly a year of our league’s existence, we’re having a BIRTHDAY PARTY! You should come, it’s going to be awesome. It’s on Valentines Day, because we’re so full of love, and it’s really close to the train station, so even if you don’t live here there’s no excuse not to. (And ladies, if your sweetheart asks you what you’re doing as you leave the house on that special day, smile sweetly and tell him you heart the Rollerbillies.)
Besides, who wants to have dinner for two elbow to elbow with strangers in a crazy crowded restaurant when you could be eating cupcakes and buying tickets for our kick ass raffle? Come on, what are you going to win in the restaurant? You want to know what you could win if you come to our party? So many things! a piercing by Jack Attack from the London Rockin Rollers! a £20 voucher for skate and bike treats from Billys! ace merch from Last Gang in Town, As Seen on TV, and Piracy Boutique! astonishing knitted goods made by our very own Voodoo Doily! a herbal medicine consultation! aromatherapy treatments! Swedish Massage! a free meal at the Zebra! champagne! vodka! more champagne! a date with aWeSoMe Welles (that’s right, we’re pimping our ref) lime green and leopard print twirly nipple tassles! and… drum roll please… FAMOUS AWESOME SOCK MONKEY!
You will also be enjoying all kinds of savoury musical goodness from DJ Green Onions, with interludes of punk pop trash from the Cambridge Cunts Fixed Wheel Turntablists. So no competition really, is it? See you there.
If you need to know which way to walk for one minute upon leaving the station, check out the map.
Huge thanks to everyone who has donated all the awesome stuff for our raffle – you rock and we love you.
Fuzzilla made our ace poster and you can check out more of her work here.