Squeal totally busted!

21 01 2009

When the lovely CCR girls invited us to guest at their first closed bout, Breaking the Squeal, we were a bit nervous – we wanted to do it, but we didn’t want to suck.. it was a scary poke in the comfort zone. Then we thought, hey, it’ll be like a big scrimmage with real teams, all kinds of stopwatches, and proper reffing with real penalties, it’s okay, we can do that. Comfort zone my ass, nobody will be watching. So we said yes. Then we realised CCR aren’t the kind of league to do things by halves. It wasn’t going to be just ’bout conditions’ in the sporting sense, it was going to be bout conditions in the cupcakes, programme, music, commentating – and audience – sense. Okay, a lovely non-judgmental families and friends kind of audience, but still – a least 500 of them. In those cool bleachers, all stacked up… eating cupcakes, taking photos, and watching. It was going to be an all-out production; we were impressed. And terrified. The Rollerbillies waved us off and offered us sound advice (“Jam like a motherf*ucker” – thanks Captain Carnage), and we were on our way.


It turned out to be the best possible way to bout for the first time – CCR were awesome hosts, and we got to benefit from the serious hard work they put into the event without worrying about anything other than skating, so we were pretty much spoiled rotten. And we didn’t even suck horribly, which made it even better. The audience were great, and they were loving it – CCR are bringing derby to the masses, and gaining a whole lot of fans. We bet you 50p their first open-doors bout will sell out before you can say cupcake.

So it was Team Pink vs Team Blue, with Hermaphroditie guesting for Pink and Mollie Cosh (referring to herself in the third person just this once) on Team Blue.



Blue started strong, getting lead in almost every jam of the first period.  They walled the front of the pack, and held the inside line for their jammers. Pink were forced to react but fought hard to make their impact on the play. Although it’s all a bit of a blur, by the third period the pack was getting feral, and Pink were really making the hits count – resulting in some crowd-pleasing ouchie wreckage. I got a crisis of loyalty when Blues came off the track saying ‘Hermaphroditie hits hard‘ – but she definitely wasn’t the only one. Team Blue racked up some penalties (guilty) and had to line up short and under pressure a few times, but weren’t deterred. Despite fighting up to dominate the front, and the impressive escalation of violence, Pink narrowed the points gap but couldn’t close it. We finished on 126-86. Go Team Blue!



And go team CCR! Everyone involved kicked ass, running the show like a beautiful, well-oiled machine. The only interruption was the change of afterparty venue due to a murder near the pub. Seriously. Some things you just can’t plan for. We had an ace time at the relocated party, ate chips, and sold lots of our excellent new handmade badges – so now we have funds to try and outbid Twisted Mister for old pads on ebay. Superby.

Huge thanks to CCR for popping our bout cherries in such a well organised fashion – it wasn’t exactly painless, but it was a pleasure to skate with you. Thanks to Angela Momentum for getting us to Birmingham in one piece – we were stressing about being late so we made her drive crazy fast even though she was trying to eat pastries. And finally thanks to our favourite derby photographer, David James Coxsell, for the use of all these ace pictures. Apart from the one of the badges; that’s just shameless merch promotion on our part. Want some?







17 responses

21 01 2009

Totally missed buying your badges, they are so cool.

It was LOVELY to have the two of you skate with us, we had an absolute blast. Romsey need to get out to bout strength so we can play each other, as that will be even more fun 🙂 props to our bout committee who put in so much hard work, it really paid off.


21 01 2009
Nancy Spinatra

Still buzzing from it all – what a truly great day it was. You and Hermaphroditie were impressive guests, the icing on the cupcake! Glad you appreciated our hard work, we had a lot of help and advice from other leagues too but yep, I have to agree – CCR are awesome!
Nancy Spinatra

21 01 2009
Capt. Carnage

Awesome blog! I’m glad you took my advice 😉
Wish I had been there 😦
You girls rock!

21 01 2009
Capt. Carnage

Oooh and I need that skate pervert badge in my life!!!

21 01 2009
Lexi Leven

Excellent! It looks like such fun and I wish I’d seen it. And I definitely want badges, how do I get my sticky paws on them?

22 01 2009
Twisted Mister

Hey it was our pleasure to have you join us, and you are more than welcome anytime, indeed the offer is open to any UK leagues that wanna come down or up for a mixed practice or something, just ping me a message on myspace.

It was a really positive day and as a way of learning how to get things right before I have Ballisitic’s glowing ref eye’s watching my every call! 😉

Just like to point out, we don’t have murders too often in Birmingham…ahem.


22 01 2009

I love love love all your blog posts!

Feels like I was actually there when I read them. YAY!

22 01 2009
Bette Noir

Wow that look’s pretty impressive. Congrats ladies.

p.s. love how LRG have invented the new derby tradition of cupcakes…

22 01 2009

Y’all come back now y’hear? xx

22 01 2009
Raw Heidi

Apart from derby, the best thing about derby is referring to yourself in the third person. What else is an alter ego good for?

Congrats CCR and the Billies, can we come to the next one puhlease? Re: awesome badges, bring loads to Clockwork Carnage and they’ll sell like hotcupcakes, mark my words.

22 01 2009
Hope N. Gory

Yay!!! It was fab and excellent and amazing to have you both there skating with us (and against us!! ha ha)…It was such a great day and I’m really glad you were there to share it with us and help us out with your skating skills

Brill write up too…my blogging is slack as at the moment!! (will post pics of my sproutlore tatt…too! ha ha) xx

22 01 2009
May BeTwisted

Wow, looks awesome!

Can’t wait to see CCR’s first ticketed bout, it looks like it will be an amazing event, if that is anything to go by 🙂

Twisted x

22 01 2009
Whiskey Chaser

We loved having you girls with us on our “big”day. Mollie you did Team Blue proud and your little face was a picture when I kept looking over and saying “come on your up just one more!” You are a fab jammer!

22 01 2009
X-Ray Bex

So fucking proud of both of you Hermaphroditie, and Mollie. Glad CCR took good care of you as they were smackin you around.

22 01 2009

was an awsome day..think we have raised the bar pretty high for ourselves…you just wait till we do our first open bout….derby aint seen nuffin!

was great to have you 2 with us…glad you did it! as twisted said come and sk8 with us sometime…just dont nick all our skills and beat us!! xxxx

25 01 2009
Betty Machete

Great write-up Rollerbillies!

It was a pleasure to have Mollie and Herms skate with us, and such an awesome day.

Betty x

27 01 2009
Rose Hypnol

Bring badges to clockwork carnage PWEEEEEASE!!??!?

I heart them nearly as much as I heart the Rollerbillies! xoxo

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