NICE ASS. Want to hit me with it?

The Rollerbillies are recruiting – and we want you to join us! Our team has gone from strength to strength over the last year – we’ve been part of the awesome Team East Angrier, we’ve done a bit of guest skating, we’ve celebrated our first birthday, and we’ve been to some great bouts. We’ve had a lot of fun meeting new people, learning more skills, knocking each other over, and sinking ever deeper into our torrid love affair with roller derby. We’ll be playing our first bout against Glasgow Roller Girls’ Maiden Grrrders on October 31st, and we’re looking forward to getting out there and playing more teams in the year to come.

If you’re interested in roller derby, come and meet us! It’s an amazing sport, and the UK scene is full of inspiring people – come and be part of it! You’re welcome to come along to a training session to watch, we can lend you equipment if you want to try it out for real, and we can teach you to skate. No experience is necessary, just enthusiasm. And if you’re interested in supervising or facilitating the hurly burly rather than being in the thick of it, we’re also looking for referees and non-skating officials. Get in touch!

You can leave a comment here on the blog, or email us at info@rollerbillies.com. You can also check out videos and more information on the game on our about roller derby and how to play pages.

Bye Sandy!

We’d like to take this opportunity to wish the Blitzdames - morally, ethically, spiritually, physically, positively, absolutely, undeniably and reliably – the best of luck in all of their future endeavours. May the end of this era be the beginning of a better one for you all.

About time!

Another super double bout experience, derby fans – this time it’s the lovely Glasgow Roller Ghouls‘ travel team, the Irn Bruisers, against Manchester’s Rainy City Rollergirls. And us! We’re playing GRG’s B Team, in our first bout as the Rollerbillies. This means our newbie skaters who didn’t get to play as part of Team East Angrier at Roll Britannia – and Violet, who trained the hardest and then got the stupid swine flu – will be skating in front of scary paying public people for the first time. Exciting! We won’t be in gold spandex, but it’ll be Halloween, so we can dress up as zombies. Which are sort of green, and probably love leopard print (who doesn’t?), so that’s perfect. We can’t wait!

Disco not Tesco!

On Saturday, Violet, Quad, and Mollie headed down to get stroppy with Tesco about their plans to turn our former venue, the ex-Mill Road Social Centre, into an objectionable supermarket. Tesco still don’t have the requisite planning permission to trade on or deliver to the site, but they claim they’re opening the store anyway. So now they’re getting sued for making a mockery of the planning process and endangering public safety in Romsey. Go Romsey! We thought we might meet some angry women at the protest, so we headed on over with flyers. No such luck, but we did see this angry dog: obviously so annoyed at Tesco that he glued a sign to his own fur. And later at the museum, we saw a woman who had a leopard crawling out of her ass. We resisted the urge to mug her for her trousers, but we did give her a flyer.

TEAM! EAST! ANGRIER!

Tournament time! Team East Angrier were drawn against the two longest standing leagues in the tournament – London Rollergirls and Stuttgart Valley Rollergirls.  Lucky us! After the swirly gold special effects wore off, we did start to doubt that She-Ra’s good advice and our gold spandex were going to get us out of it alive. We may be powered by unicorns, but we were shitting ourselves.

However, taking the philosophical view, when we saw derby for the first time we weren’t thinking ‘let’s do this so we can win and get prizes!’ We were just thinking LET’S DO THIS. As X-Ray pointed out, LRG are the reason we got into derby; we started skating hoping one day we’d be good enough to play them. So all we needed to do was take the ‘be good enough to’ out of that sentence, and our dreams had come true.

And anyway, 12 teams of skaters would be coming to London to make history. History! So we put aside our (very real) fears of being snapped like twigs, and embraced the momentousness of the occasion. And the excuse to make badges. Or, in Bettie and Cherry’s case, the excuse to make a SCARY GOLDEN ZENTAI MONKEY. It’s not the winning that counts, it’s the making art.

Aside from the making art, it’s a bit blurry. We did a bit of hitting, we took a lot of hits, we went down, we got up, we had a laugh, did some shouting, Munchin delivered the transition whips, and we even scored some points. It’s true: we played LRG and we scored some points! It wasn’t like in our nightmares at all. The crowd were amazing, Voodoo make a kick ass unicorn flag, our crew waved it, Bane-ana was our mascot (we are now a bit in love with him), and we wore our seriously tasteful gold leggings. We loved it. We loved being part of it. And we sold all our shirts. Does it get better than this?

And the final score?

Not really. LRG exceeded the scoreboard’s capacity to display points. Le sigh. Voodoo says she’s going to get 11 tattooed on her ass.

If you missed out on Roll Britannia, go kick yourself. Or better still, get a rollergirl to kick you in the shins with her big old skates on. Failing that, watch the trailer by Baron Von Strange and just weep quietly. If you look carefully you may see some shots of us falling down. Score!

So yep, at the time it was a bit terrifying, but now it’s just awesome. Want to be having the time of your life? UK derby is the place to be right now. Y’all are going to look back on this some day and it’ll be like that weepy scene at the end of A League of Their Own where the old ladies are in the baseball hall of fame. Your knees may be busted and your legs may be partially made of metal, but your grandkids will be impressed.

Thank you to LRG and Stuttgart Valley Rollergirls for being so great on the track – and props to SVRG for having great defense, and the most respectable LRG points differential of the entire tournament. As usual, massive thanks to the LRG crew, this time for making European derby history and bringing Sunday’s games to a worldwide audience – and for inviting me to help boutcast LRG vs BBDD for DNN.

And, inevitably, congratulations to London Brawling for becoming Europe’s official roller derby champions! You are indeed awesome, but we may have to insist you go calling to some more, uh, faraway towns. Europe can’t handle it. But in the glass-half-full sense, pitted against you, we all score roughly the same. We are one derby nation, equal under LRG.

Team East Angrier would also like to thank our sponsor and landlord, Dave, for sponsoring our tasteful kit. We love you Dave. And we also love Pat the Butcher for making us bags of spangly panties.

All the ace photos here were taken by Andy Stubbs, Teshi Tailor, Neal Humphris, and Daz. Cheers guys!

Get Angrier!

Cast your mind back to March: it was cold, and summer was ages away. The Rollerbillies were debating whether or not to field a team for Roll Britannia. Just when we’d figured we wouldn’t have enough skaters for a roster, the pub lit up with golden lightening and our fairy godmother appeared. “Oh Rollerbillies,” she said, “you shall go to the Tournament!” Golden sparkles filled the air and five skaters appeared. “Behold!” said She-ra, “from the distant kingdom of Bedford, the Brawlin’ Angels Rollergirls will aid you in your quest – and with your forces combined, you will be TEAM EAST ANGRIER!”

“Awesome!” we replied, “but what will we wear?”

“White and gold works for me”, said She Ra, “but you know what, I think some leopard print spandex would really complete the look.”

Such a vision! Our eyes glazed over with rapture as She Ra mounted Swift Wind, and the pub was filled with white light and swirly gold special effects. “You have the power!” she cried, and was gone.

And so it was that Team East Angrier entered Roll Britannia. Inspired by the awesomeness of our new team mates and bestowed with She Ra’s magical powers, we have developed super human strength, acquired catlike agility – and achieved dazzling styling sophistication. We’re ready! Really! Can’t wait! Rarrr!

Rollerbillies renounce roller derby to form space hoppering team

After witnessing victories from Pete and Violet Hunter at LRG’s interval space hopper races, the Rollerbillies have decided to bin their skates and devote their energies exclusively to space hoppering. You’ve heard of roller dodgeball. Get ready for hopper derby. The rules are roughly the same except for 6.13.3: jumping and leaping contact is like, the point. Bounce.

Wham Bam Grand Slam

Two bouts in one day! IN THE SAME PLACE! Result!

This was the end of the first season for LRG’s three permanent teams, and after two games apiece it was time for the final reckoning: the steam punks versus the time traveling feminists in a high speed, high stakes, collision of past and future. The Steam Rollers had scored one win and one loss, and the Suffra Jets were undefeated. The last time these teams met the Steam Rollers got close enough to be breathing down the Jets’ necks as they battled to close the points gap in the third period. They didn’t run out of steam, but they did run out of time and ended on 89 to the Jets’ 103. Could the Steam Rollers flatten them, or could the Suffra Jets deploy the forces of the future to keep time on their side again?

Obviously you know the answer because this write up is pretty tardy, so let’s manufacture some suspense by starting with the other awesome attraction: The Ultraviolent Femmes versus Barock City.

We love the Ultraviolent Femmes. They’re green, we’re green, Awesome Sock Monkey is green, and we all like violence, so we were psyched to see them play three times this season too. And excited to see a new European team willing to head over to London to take them on. Barock City put a big smile on Awesome Sock Monkey’s face by skating out to dispense some impressive snacks. Chocolate, pretzels, and cupcakes? Where does he put it all? Probably in his very long hollow legs.

After the snack excitement it was time for the serious sporting activity, and Barock City sure had their work cut out for them. As the first period got underway it rapidly became clear they were no match for the mighty Femmes. Time after time the Barock jammers were trapped in the pack while the Ultraviolent jammers broke out to score and score. The points began to heap up against the visitors, but they were undeterred. The crowd dished out the support every time Barock’s jammers made it to within a Femme of the front – but unfortunately for Barock that Femme was usually Hula Gunn, whose ruthless pivoting power ensured that the first period ended with the Ultraviolents on 112 and Barock yet to score.

The visitors threw themselves into the second half with renewed determination and their enthusiasm undented. When their jammer broke through the pack for the first time, the roar from the crowd was deafening; I inhaled with such excitement I nearly choked on my cupcake. Barock’s renewed confidence and the Femmes’ line up changes brought a new element of unpredictability to the game play in the second period, but it was clear that Barock were going to finish the game thoroughly tolchocked. They gave it their all, but ended with only 15 points against the Femmes’ 165. It would have been nice to see more of a challenge for the Ultraviolents at the close of the season, but despite the mismatch in experience Barock clearly loved every minute of the experience and both sides came at the game with great attitude. Huge respect to Barock for making a brave first bout choice with such enthusiasm, hope we get to see them play again soon!

To help us handle the suspense of the upcoming final game, LRG thoughtfully laid on some space hopper racing in the interval. The Rollerbillies are skating in a mixed team for Roll Britannia (more on that later) and we’ve been taking it very seriously. Aside from our main strategy of shitting ourselves when we think about it, we got Violet’s friend Pete to help us with our fitness training. The fact that he’s about to join the RAF failed to impress us, but he definitely convinced us of his awesome athletic capabilities by winning the space hopper race. So now were listening to every word he says and doing the circuits like he told us. Go Pete!

After all that excitement, it was finally time to decide who would be rolling away from LRG’s first season championship victorious. The Suffra Jets had lost Silky Briefs and N-emma-si5 to injury, and the Steam Rollers had Sky Rockit back on the track after her absence from the last game. Was the change in line up going to tip the balance? The opening jams were full of anticipation as strong defensive play from both sides drew out the wait for a lead jammer. The points stayed low with single scoring passes, the Jets took a narrow lead, and the play stayed close and full of tension. The points briefly equalised, but the final jams of the first half saw the Jets grab the lead back to pause at 40 – 30.

Our asses were beginning to get numb from sitting on the floor as the second period began. The pace was fast, with the Jets solidly determined to defend their lead and the Steam Rollers desperately trying to undermine it. We narrowly escaped a skate shaped dent in the face when Correctional Felicity landed on us feet first (see below), but that just added to the excitement. Plus leaping backwards probably helped boost our circulation a bit.

Back on the track, the Jets were breaking through the pack ahead and gaining the points advantage with almost every jam. The combination of their agile defensive play and that clever sideways stance thing they do kept their jammers off the floor and out in front, and the differential gradually widened to 30 points. When the DJs started playing the final countdown we realised that the end of the final period was drawing close. Da da da da, da da da da daaa. The Steam Rollers fans amongst us willed them on, and in the penultimate jam they clawed back 11 points, holding the Jets back entirely, da da da da daaaa, but it wasn’t enough. When the final whistle blew with the Steam Rollers on 73 and the Suffra Jets on 93 it was all over: an awesome bout, and truly awe inspiring skating from the winning team. If this is the future of feminism, bring it on.

Congratulations and thanks to the Suffra Jets, the Steam Rollers, the Ultraviolent Femmes, and Barock City (and all the awesome support folks) for such a great day! We can’t wait for the next double header. We’ll bring cushions.

Also many thanks to the photographers who kindly allowed us to feature their shots here. Pictures of Awesome Sock Monkey and snacks, and the beautifully crisp one of Pete, are ours; left to right from the top, photo credits are: 2-7, 9-11, 14 by Mitesh Tailor, 12 by Neal Humphris, and 13 by Steve Newton.

A Statement from the Directors of the Romsey Town Rollerbillies

It has been brought to our attention that a significant number of comments written on our blog, following the write up of the Leeds vs. Birmingham Blitz Dames game, originated from two IP Addresses. These IP addresses are in the residences of two of the core members of the BBDD team.

We therefore have reason to believe that many of the comments on the blog in response to our write up were misrepresentative. These are primarily comments from ‘Sandy’, ‘A Fan’ (aka ‘Robert’), ‘Cowardly Lover of the Derby and ‘genius’ ‘Lord Michael’.

We have discussed this matter with the Blitzdames’ directors. If they have decided to take action, they have done so privately. If there were lessons to be learned or conclusions to be drawn by anyone involved, then it’s been done. Having negative comments hanging around isn’t productive for anyone – the Rollerbillies, the Blitzdames, or members of any other league – or for our sport. This debate has had its day, so the posts have been removed.

Smack my Blitz up

The derby season is in full swing, and the Blitzdames have been busy. So, in chronological order and quick succession, here’s Lexi Leven’s write up for Smack Attack, followed by Mollie’s thoughts on Dollhouse Devastation:

The second bout in the weekend’s double header saw the Middlesborough Milk Rollers making their debut against the Birmingham Blitz Dames, aided and abetted by some willing guest skaters from Auld Reekie Roller Girls and the Bedford Bandits.

After a speedy drive up to Birmingham we took our seats in the bleachers to watch the bout. The Blitz Dames looked confident on their home turf, with plenty of support from the crowd during the introductory skate round. However, as the first period began, it was clear the Milk Rollers were prepared for a tough fight!  Skaters were flying off the track and there were a fair few penalties from both sides to start with, as the teams fought for dominance. The bout started off evenly matched, but as the first period went on the Blitz Dames’ greater experience began to show as they worked together to prevent the MMR jammers getting through the pack. A blistering jam from Union Jack-U-Up saw the Blitz Dames finish the first period well in the lead, with a score of 86-45.

Period 2 saw a revitalised MMR come out with a much more effective pack strategy, and their hard-hitting blockers made it tough for the opposition to score in the first few jams. However, an injury to key blocker Smokin Ace took her out for the day, and once play resumed the Blitz Dames took advantage to rack up an 80 point lead on the visitors. Hard knocks abounded, with BBDD jammer Gun Bunny also needing medical attention after ending up at the bottom of a very dramatic pile up! The medical team were quick to react though and both skaters were able to join in with the skate round at the end of the bout, which was big relief for everyone watching. The Milk Rollers continued to fight hard but their jammers were tiring and in the end they were no match for the Blitz Dames. The final score was 198-78 – an impressive debut for the Milk Rollers and another win for the Birmingham team.